Taking Inventory
This technique works well when you are going into a situation that you know for certain has the potential to be difficult or where you will have to deal with a lot of difficult emotions (yours or others).
Sun Tzu, the famous Chinese general, says that to be successful in battle, you must know both yourself and the enemy.1 We can learn from this ancient wisdom in order to handle difficult situations in our own lives by knowing our mind state.
Before going into a difficult situation, take inventory of your own emotional state. Ask yourself what your own emotional, physical and mental state is right now. How am I feeling? Am I happy? Sad? Tired? Stressed? Hungry? Upset? Am I predisposed to get into an argument, to react emotionally? This assessment will arm you with the knowledge of what you bring to the table before interacting.
Recognize that you may come up against strong emotions and that it is okay to interact with this. This is acceptance of what the situation may bring and what you may encounter.
Recognize that you do not have to process another person's emotions but that you can simply be there in the moment for them. This is compassion - not to absorb the other person's feelings, emotions, energy, but simply to be there with them.
There are situations that will trigger responses in us no matter how prepared we are. We seek knowledge of these triggers since they predispose us to losing balance. Our goal is to remain balanced no matter what life throws at us, knowing that the moment will pass. If we know our triggers, we know our selves and we will be able to choose a different response next time, or simply remain dispassionate.
When the experience is over it is important to take inventory immediately after so that you can recognize what is not yours. You may have emotional reactions to your encounter and what you had to deal with, but you can assess your mental and emotional mind state after. Recognizing the difference between how you felt before and how you feel after, both mentally and emotionally, can teach you a lot about what is and is not your own emotional baggage. In evaluating what may and may not be yours, you can learn to determine what was your own reaction, and what was the emotion of the others involved in the interaction. You can also ask yourself questions in order to understand: Did I bio-react to anything that occurred in the encounter? Am I owning the emotions of someone else, taking them home with me?
When entering a difficult situation, we assess our own state, then open the door to the encounter. It is important to remember to close the door on the encounter when you are done so that you do not carry emotions, thoughts, feelings, ideas into your own life that weren't yours to begin with - we all have enough to work on ourselves!
Recognition is liberation and freedom from unproductive mind states. We may go home tired, but not with emotions that are not part of our normal emotional and mental makeup.
1 The Art of War by Sun Tzu, trans. by Thomas Cleary, Shambala Publications
